Are you always comparing yourself to others? Adopt oubaitori, the Japanese art of living to find your own happiness

For several decades, and especially since the Covid-19 pandemic, social interactions have migrated from the real world to the virtual, becoming omnipresent in our lives. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, TikTok… Social platforms have never been more important, but they also bring their share of comparisons. Who, in recent months, has not scrolled through Instagram and started to measure themselves against that person who runs every morning, bakes their own bread, has taken up sewing, meditates, follows an impeccable skincare routine or has decided to leave the city to live by the sea? Thus, Comparison exhausts us, it robs us of our happiness and makes us envy people whose lives we observe through the screen of our smartphone.

Oubaitori: the Japanese art of living that does us good

Spotted by Stylist L’“oubaitori” presents itself as a Japanese art of living that makes us feel good. According to the blog dedicated to Japanese culture Yamato, “oubaitori” East “a Japanese idiom that comes from the kanji for the four trees that bloom in spring: cherry, plum, apricot, and peach. Each bud blooms at its own pace and is a reminder that everyone is on their own path through life.” If this principle does us so much good, it is because it encourages us not to live our lives by comparing ourselves to others, but rather by valuing our own traits and focusing on our evolution.

“When you compare yourself to others, you only see things from your experience, from your point of view” psychotherapist Ruairi Stewart tells the magazine Stylist. “You don’t have a complete picture of the other person’s journey or the reality of their situation.” He adds: “That’s one of the reasons why social media can be such a trigger. People choose to share with others what they want to see, so it’s important to don’t judge yourself hard when you look at others from the side, because you don’t have all the information.”

Oubaitori: How to apply it on a daily basis?

To be a little less in the comparison, and more in self-kindness we opt for the oubaitori. This Japanese art of living encourages us to become aware of our value, by completely ceasing to be critical and to speak negatively about ourselves. Rather than devaluing ourselves by saying for example “I don’t do sports”, “I don’t read anymore”, take stock of your victories and strengths, focusing on developing your inner speech. Finally, if you compare yourself, don’t do it to others, but to a younger version of yourself. Be proud of your progress and your journey.